Bringing My Sexy Back

I had a baby - seven months ago - and I don't feel sexy. But, I'm working very hard at bringing sexy back. My sexy. 

My pregnancy experience was not glowing - unless you consider sweat a glow - it was not easy, and it was certainly not sexy. I gained a lot of weight, I mean A LOT. I tried to remain fairly healthy during those 9 very long months. I ate mostly healthy foods (ok pb and j's kept me alive), drank gallons of water, went on walks, and did prenatal yoga 3ish times a week. But, I was carrying a 9 pound butterball who measured big through the whole process and I retained every ounce of water I drank. 

So after she was born I began a mission to bring my sexy back... I'm still on that mission. 

Let me clarify - my sexy may not be the same as your sexy. Yes, I'm working on getting back to my pre-preg weight. Sure, I'm dying to have flawless skin, defined arms, Carrie Underwood legs, and rockin' abs. But I'm more interested in the emotional and psychological side of sexy. The sexy I'm working towards is rebuilding confidence, building strength, and remembering to laugh. 

I'm rebuilding my confidence. Rebuilding the confidence that I felt pre-babe when I would walk into a room - in heels - and own it. Rebuilding the confidence that I had on my wedding day when I felt the most beautiful and didn't think life could get any better. Rebuilding the confidence I felt and feel every time I get together with a group of gal pals who, I know, "Aggressively believe in each other, defend each other, and think the other deserves the world" (unknown). 

I'm building strength - mental and physical strength. Raising a human is hard. It is mentally hard, it is physically hard. It takes a toll on even the strongest caregiver. 

I want to take a moment here and give a quick "you go girl" to all the mamas, papas, grannys, gramps, teachers, and baby raisers out there. You are doing great and I am your champion!

Being a mom is the hardest job I've ever had. It's stressful knowing that I am responsible for not only keeping her alive, but now teaching her the skills to become an honest, caring, loyal, functioning adult. On her fussy days, when nothing I do makes her happy, it's really hard. There are some days when I wish Lucy would just nap for a few more hours, simply so that I can unload the dishwasher, or make a grocery list, or possibly even sit down to watch one episode of a netflix original. It takes a strong person to raise a child. I'm not as strong as I'd like to be, but I'm working on it. 

Let's talk about physical strength for a second. L is not quite mobile. She rolls all over and is army crawling about a foot at a time. So, since I'm not chasing after her just yet, I carry her all over the place. I am definitely building some arm strength and I know that building my physical strength - arms, abs, legs, back, cardiovascular - will really encourage my sexy to work its way on back. More about my physical journey of bringing sexy back to follow. 

I'm remembering that life is funny and its more than important to laugh. Its super easy to get through a day and realize you didn't laugh, not once... especially on those hard days. Now,  we do have more happy days than unhappy days, but, on those unhappy days - when she cries 80% of the time, when she won't nap, when she poops 6 times and it gets on me - I have to remind myself to laugh. I have to remind myself that I get to hang out with my bestie all day, every day. I have to remind myself that I get to be a kid again. I have to remind myself that all 10 seasons of Friends are just a few clicks away (Thank you, Netflix!) and even if the Gellar-Bings are the only people that make me laugh that day, I laughed and that's what matters.  

I've got a long way to go. The road to bringing my sexy back is not a straight line. It has a lot of hills, a lot of valleys, a lot of 'sharp curves head'. But everyday I get a little closer. Everyday is a new opportunity to feel that confidence, to remember I am strong, to laugh.