Early on, I wanted to do anything I could to get that pre-preg body back. In fact - I wanted to do anything I could to make this new body better than that pre-preggy body. I started with that scar. That red, raised scar which reminded me everyday that I'll never be the girl I was before. I tried everything I could think of, every tip or trick friends offered, every thought of any rando on motherhood blogs. Nothing worked. I thought CSS was starting to fade - it wasn't. It was taking on a life of its own.
About 6 months in, I gave up hating it. I gave up trying to get rid of it. I accepted it. CSS was sticking around for the long haul and I realized - I'm kind of in love with it. CSS is a part of this new Kerri, this new woman whose life will never be the same. This new woman who carried a 9lb 1oz babe for 38 weeks. This new woman who had a major hangover (without enjoying a killer party or adult beverage the night before) for 13 weeks. This new woman who was poked too many times to count, who just got 'used' to being naked from the waist down, who can't remember what its like to sleep through the night... do humans really do this?
When I look at that scar, I remember. I remember the hard, I remember the sick, I remember the tears - Oh, so many tears. But mostly, I remember the joy I felt when I held Cashew for the first time. I remember the joy I feel every time I watch her play, every time I see her smile, every time I hear her laugh.
For that joy, I'd love 50 scars... but one's good.
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| The most precious moment |
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