The Wonder of Pregnancy

Here's the thing, there is not a whole lot I miss about being pregnant. I did not enjoy it and I was not good at it. I spent 13 weeks on the couch in the fetal position, I had a very short stint of extra energy, and a very long stint of discomfort. I had the pregnancy feet of a hobbit and saw a number dangerously close to 200 on the scale. In hindsight, totally worth it and plan to do it again - but not right now.

exactly one year ago

Why do we put our bodies through the ringer and then do it again, and again, and sometimes again? The end result. The feeling of holding that little babe for the first time, the 10th time, the 10,000th time.  The feeling of watching her smile, making her laugh, and helping her grow into an amazing little human.

On Saturday, I spent a few hours showering a great friend with love and gifts in anticipation of the birth of her little babe. As I was sitting next to her, watching her open gifts, and explaining how to use some of them - I reflected on my pregnancy. I thought back to the time before Lucy, when I didn't know how to change a diaper, when I didn't understand the importance of scheduling, when I watched moms in public try to quiet their crying babies and thought, "my child will never scream in public." Ha.

Although it was a rough nine-ish months and it would be ok if I never felt some of the pregnancy side effects again, there are a few things I miss. I miss the sound of the first time I heard her heartbeat - and every time after that when I knew that she was okay. I miss feeling her move and watching her kick and completely roll over in my belly. I miss knowing she was growing into a healthy babe who would greet the world pink and screaming.

But the thing I miss the most, the wonder. When we thought every day about what she might look like, sound like - when we thought about who she might be. I miss talking about names and stressing about whether her name would fit her personality. I miss bringing home onesies and picturing her wearing them. I miss the few hours after my water broke but before my c-section when I felt more nervous and excited than I had ever been. I miss that time before we knew her, when we couldn't wait for her to join us in life. I miss that.