When One Cup Isn't Enough

It was 7:32am. I was brushing my teeth and watching my daughter play in the mirror. Then, I heard it...

The sound of a blow out. 

I held my breath and waited, not totally positive if that's what I heard. Then...

I heard it again. 

I spit out my tooth paste, picked her up, and carefully ventured upstairs. It was too late. Two diapers, nine wipes, a new changing pad, and a new outfit later - she was clean. Little did I know that this was the first of the invasion of Gastro-saurus. A very mean bug who would attack us for the next six days.

Momming is hard work. It's far from a 9 to 5, more like a 6am to 6am (twenty years from now). There are no 15 minute breaks, no lunch hours, no paid vacations. I can't turn off my email push notifications and I have a serious open door policy in that I go to the bathroom with the door open.

The day normally starts with one cup of very strong black coffee. Usually, around 9:00am I determine whether a second will be needed. Now that my fiery little eight month old is on the move and into everything, a second morning and sometimes a third afternoon cup is required.

Some days are a breeze, babe is happy, pups are playful, naps go well, and all is right with the world. Some days are not. The not days test my parenting patience. On the not days I look forward, even more, to J coming home from work. The not days usually result in the words "Do you need a break?" followed by "yes" and an hour spent alone at target, coffee in hand.

I need that hour. I need to be alone, to not be the caregiver, to have some time to myself to think on the day. I need to zone out and look at really cute housewares, I need to reflect on my parenting failures and successes, I need to buy that dress, and who am I kidding.. I need to shop in the kids department.

I need a minute to miss Lucy. I need to wish she was with me, riding in the cart. I need to smile when I think about something she did that day.  I desperately need that moment to say, "I better check out if I'm going to make it to kiss her goodnight."

The not days may be hard and very very long, but at the end of them, when I am watching her sleep on the monitor - I always feel the urge to wake her just so we can spend a little more time.